EXPECTING...

• first you find out your "EXPECTING"
• second you find out "what to EXPECT when your EXPECTING"

but no one ever really tells you what to EXPECT

after the "big day" arrives.

This list is a perfect indicator on what to EXPECT

most days

all day

for the next so many years

Expect - to miss being pregnant because that was the easiest part

Expect - disappointment if you don't breastfeed. If you do, EXPECT to discover that breastfeeding speeds up weight loss to be just a Myth.

Expect - to do everything else but nap when your baby is napping. If you nap, EXPECT to feel guilty for not doing the chores.

Expect - to sterilize the pacifier and everything else your newborn touches. And when your baby turns six months old, you will consider wiping your pacifier clean on your jeans the way to go.

Expect - yourself to be the one to hear your baby's stirs while your husband sleeps through the stirring, feeding and diapering.


Expect - to be in your nightgown at lunch, dinner and bedtime and then wonder where the morning has gone.

Expect - your husband to bond much later than you and yet find your baby's first words to be "Da Da."

Expect - to trust nobody else with your baby no matter how qualified.

Expect - smelly spit ups on your shoulder just when you are about to go out.

Expect - to change diapers just as you sit down to a meal or when your flight takes off.

Expect - your weekends and holidays to be different from now on.

Expect - sex to be the last thing on your mind and the first thing on your husband's.

Expect - to understand why a baby could never salvage a marriage.

Expect - to take a while in zipping up your jeans.

Expect - to find sit-ups an ordeal

Expect - to fall in love with the toothless smile.

Expect - to find food on your sofa, carpet and everywhere else.

Expect - phone conversations to be interrupted.

Expect - baby rearing to be the most difficult job you have ever had with no lunch break, vacation or sick leave.

Expect - to believe your baby will always need you.

Expect - legos and puzzle pieces to prevent you from walking barefoot around the house again.

Expect - long drives to be a thing of the past.

Expect - the remote and the phone to be your baby's favorite toys.

Expect - to realize no matter how careful you are your baby will still have bumps and bruises.


Expect - to wish their pain were your pain.

Expect - strangers to ask when you are planning your next one.

Expect - your car to smell worse than your refrigerator.

Expect - to wish your baby didn't have to get shots.

Expect - to miss going to the bathroom by yourself.

Expect - to have a spectator when you shower.

Expect - sleep deprivation and any time alone.

Expect - to cherish everything your baby does and says for the first time and to wish these moments would last forever.