Thursday, February 28, 2013

Letters to Finley

Dear Finn,

Tonight was the first and most likely not the last time you broke a girls heart. My heart.
Since you've been born we have had a unique connection. In a way I have always felt like you were sent here for me. We have jokingly called you "my barnacle" or "mamas boy" but secretly I have always loved your unwavering affection for me. There is something about the way you put your arms around my neck and give me a squeeze or your wet slobbery kisses. I have always relished being the only one able to comfort you. For almost a year I was the only one who really fed you, put you to bed. because of nursing we spent a lot of time together. Wherever I go you go and that's way it has always been... Until now.
Tonight, was like any other night. I started to put you to bed and that's when it started. You scram and called for your daddy. I tried to hold and snuggle you against my chest and sing our nightly songs and you pushed me away. Your looks of disinterest tore through my heart. What happened? I have always been your moon and stars and tonight I was clearly just mom and you wanted dad.
I know it's silly to feel so broken over a toddlers bipolar decision of which parent was his favorite tonight. But I am. It was a change in the tide. My baby is growing up. You are growing up and I'm going to have to accept that, but it's hard. Your babyhood has been so wonderful and I have loved every moment of it. I'm sad to see it go.

Today we are embracing change as you grow into a boy.

Love you always,

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