Saturday, March 24, 2012

letters to Finley.

Weaning... something I have been debating since my first case of mastitis. even saying the word brings up many mixed emotions.feelings of excitement, anticipation, relief but also those of loss. Now that you and I are nearing the finish I can't help but feel so melancholy that this part in our journey together is over. This small sacred little part in our lives is coming to a close and although I know with one chapter closing another one opens, I also know in just mere months the sweet and small little moments we share together now will be a mere memory and replaced with new and different moments.
Sometimes I wish I had a shelf. A shelf tall and wide filled to the brim with jars, each holding a memory or feeling I so desperately long to hold onto. Even now it's hard to remember the exact feeling of the weight of your tiny body against my chest, or your small new born cry. It's funny how time seems to slowly erase the past, leaving you with only a faded memory if you're lucky to remember at all. I've said this many times before, I hope when I return to heaven all my memories will be fully restored, minus the unhappy ones. There I'll bask in the catalog of hugs, kisses, smiles and smells that made up my life. the memory of holding my soft slippery newborn babes will be as if it happened just moments ago. so until that day I will continue to write and preserve these moments, however small or monumental I wish to be able to look back and remember you once sported one small snaggle tooth or giggled when I tickled the spot right underneath your chin.

Yes, this time together is coming to a close and although it breaks my mama heart it just means we are about to enter a different stage in our lives. not good or bad just different.

1 comment:

Madison said...

I had a really hard time with the thought of being done nursing Ty. Once the nursing was really over, it was so not that big of a deal. It's just like you said - just moving on, part of life. We're lucky to live in a time when it's so easy to take pictures that help our memories hold onto those sweet moments! I'm so impressed you've nursed your little Fin this long with all the struggles you've had nursing. Go you!!