Positive News

Positive News 

or just down right terrifying news?

For those of you who don't know me you should really know now that I have diarhea of the mouth. So, in the following blog read if you will, laugh if you want but just know I am documenting our history.

Details, details, details... I have to document the details.  I always get a little irritated when people claim their blog as their journal because lets be honest we all know that the world is watching.  However, like all of you out there I do use this blog more of a scrapbook then anything.  And although I swore up and down before my ego was prego that I wouldn't fill my whole blog up with non stop talk about babies (particularly my baby) and my pregnancy, now that I am actually stepping into the shoes of a pregnant woman I have to admit that pregnancy is on my mind at least 12 hours a day.  What?!? I can't help thinking about it while I am bowing down to the great white porcelain God (toilet) 5-8 times a day.  So, with that said I vow to try and stay well rounded and not only talk about being pregnant but blog about other topics in my life.... I will try (keyword: try).  

With that said, here is another great post about guess what.... being pregnant!  Come on guys, I have to catch ya'll up on the last 5 or so weeks I have been keeping this a secret.  So without much further a due here is the long awaited story of how the whole thing came to be (err I mean finding out about the little monkey inside). And please note that I am fully aware that everyone will be reading this story.  Lets just say I am just not that private and more on the brutally honest side.

Once upon a time not too many weeks ago my monthly visitor was about 2 weeks late. It has been late before but has never proved to be a problem.  However, on this particular occasion something felt a wry.  Let just say it like it was, I felt like I was a 14 year old girl going through puberty.  However, with all the sure signs and symptoms, it took much convincing on my part to persuade Joe into the grocery store to actually purchase a test.  His philosophy on the subject... why spend $10 on a test if we will find out for free when your belly gets bigger in a couple of months and besides (key sentence here) we were very careful.  Men!  

So, we bought the test, headed home and I really didn't need to pee but if you know me you know I was much too impatient to wait for my bladder to fill.  So the next thing you know I get like one tiny drop on the stick. Disappointed with my efforts I set the stick down and left it to percolate during dinner. After, I went back to the stick I found the display window completely purple with one vertical line.  Now, with this test if it is positive the sign would appear as a plus, if negative the sign would appear as a horizontal negative line.  I got a vertical line without the horizontal line thus it was not a positive (in my mind).  As not to waste the $10 test Joe made me pee on it again however, this time the vertical line remained the same and a horizontal line appeared.  I cooked up a great story to convince myself that this was only a error and that the vertical line was the error line and the horizontal line was the true negative line.  Needless to say we needed further proof.  We ran to the store and really pulled out the big bucks and purchased a $12 package of two.  This time I did my duty  and was prepared to wait the full 3-5 minutes that is indicated in the instructions however, a great big dreadful plus sign appeared in the window.  I ran out of the bathroom into Joe's arms showing him the test.  Just like the engineer Joe is he just couldn't believe the results without comparing them to the pictures in the instruction book.  With the instruction book and the test in hand he sat for about 5 minutes comparing the two results and decided that I needed to take the second one just to be sure.  So, I repeated the whole routine again and what do you know, there appeared another plus sign.  Go figure

Although neither one of us was ready for this kind of news Joe and I handled it much differently like we do with most things.  Joe sat on the bed with a shocked smile on his face while I paced back and forth sobbing and caring on about loosing our freedom, life, identity, youth etc.  Lets just say neither one of us got a whole lot of sleep that night.  

A day later and still in denial I called my doctor to schedule a pregnancy test.  There was no way I was going to believe some store bought test.  The conversation went a little like this...

Secretary: Would you like a blood test or pee test?

Me: Which one is more accurate?

Secretary: They are both equally as accurate if you have the pregnancy hormone.

Me: Well, I don't want to wait 3 days to find out with the blood test so I will take the pee test.

Secretary: Well, have you taken one at home yet?

Me: Yes, I have taken three.

Secretary: What was the results?

Me: Positive

Secretary: Well, congratulations store bought pregnancy tests are 97% accurate you don't need to come in.

Me: No, I want to come in to be absolutely sure.

That day Joe and I headed in to take yet another test.  I headed back to the bathroom peed in the cup and was instructed that it would take 5 minutes for the results to appear so they would call me back when they did.  30 seconds later I was back in the office looking at a positive pregnancy test.  To be completely honest, I really thought that I would go to the doctors and the test would read negative... I was convinced that something like this just couldn't or wouldn't happen to me.  Boy, was I wrong.  I will admit that I have always been very critical of couples who claim they were weren't planning on the baby.  Here is my philosophy: if you aren't using birth control you ARE planning on getting pregnant.  If you are using birth control you AREN'T.  It was really that simple in my pre-pregnancy mind.  However, I never took into consideration a three year anniversary, a candle lit dinner and the heat of the moment.  I never really believed it only took ONE time.  Inserting foot into mouth now.  One time is all it takes.

 

This is how Joe and really felt after finding out the news

I will admit I was and am still completely terrified.  When we found out I really felt that my life was over, Joe and my relationship would be ruined, I would loose my youth, my happiness and my freedom.  I decided that I wasn't going to share the news with the world until absolutely necessary. However, yesterday we went to our first ultrasound and I saw my little baby (weird to say that Joe and I are having a little baby) and after seeing him wiggling around, his hands and feet and his little heart beating I actually felt excitement about the future for the first time.  Joe and I are still struggling dealing with this unexpected news but each day I think we love this little spirit more and more.  I never wanted to be a parent but Heavenly Father has trusted me with this sweet little life and I am not going to take that for granted.  Although we had different plans this baby obviously needs to be here.  And, I am fully aware that I am still at risk for a miscarriage but I feel that sharing this news with my friends and family I am giving my self permission to be happy.  I am excited to share this journey with all of you.  Obviously, much more to come.